How To Talk To Your Children About Divorce

When you need to talk to your children about divorce is often the moment that people dread. Not only does it open the doors for an emotional discussion. But it’s also often the part of your separation that makes it all seem ‘real’. It can be difficult to bring up the subject of divorce, especially with younger children. But nevertheless, it’s important that you are open and honest with your children about the proceedings.

General tips for talking to your children about your divorce.

When you talk to your children about divorce, it is no easy feat, so here are some tips on how to have a healthy discussion as a family.

Don’t divulge unnecessary details, for example, mentioning affairs
Reassure your kids, no matter how old they are, that the separation is not their fault. And that both parties involved still love and care for the children.
Actively listen to your children’s worries and concerns and provide age-appropriate answers to their questions.
Make sure you outline how things will change for your children within their lives, eg. weekend stays with dad or who will be picking them up from school.
Sum up the conversation with your children to ensure they understand exactly what’s happening.

Tips for talking to younger children about divorce.

Younger children are likely to feel a rollercoaster of emotions when they find out that their parents are no longer going to be together. It can be extremely upsetting for you and your children, however, it is something that is unavoidable. Practice healthy communication and allow your children to talk about their feelings, fears, and confusion openly and without judgment. Hearing your child talk about how upset they are can make you feel upset as well, but together with love and support, you can all find a way to work through these emotions.

Younger children may require something to do whilst listening, for example, colouring in. This will help them to stay present during the conversation, especially if it is a conversation that will be longer than they’re normally used to.
If your child is having trouble concentrating, try breaking your talks up into bite-size chunks. Always ensure that when you end a conversation your child has understood the topic discussed.
Don’t speak badly of your child’s other parent.
Let your children know that whatever emotions they’re feeling are normal and that it’s okay to feel them.

Talking to teenagers about divorce.

Teenagers experience a lot of difficulties, so coping with their parent’s divorce can be a struggle for some. Often teens have difficulties expressing their emotions, so be patient and allow your teen to come to you with questions whenever they’re ready. Make sure you’re honest with your teenager and that you’re mentally prepared for the moment they do come back to you looking for answers.

Anger and confusion are common emotions for teenagers to experience whilst their parents are separating. Ensure that you respect their space and give them time to form the questions they need answers to.
Try to avoid negative comments about the child’s other parent.
Teenagers may not tell you what you’re expecting to hear. There may be resentment and frustration, but it’s important you accept this and let them know they’re within their right to feel these things.
Think about how you would have liked to be spoken to about heavy topics, such as divorce when you were a teenager. Jot down the type of things that may have panicked you and note how you could have been consoled at the time.