Wednesday, 8 February 2017

When Your Heart Is Breaking For A Lost Child

This appeared on my Facebook page last night and I wanted to share it on here too. It was written as I was crying and it was written when I was the lowest I have been for a long time. Today However I have woken up more positive because Nathan Green may take days from our life but he will never win in the long run. 
Today my heart is breaking more than it ever has before.

Today Facebook memories bought up a picture and memory two years ago. I know these are suposed to bring back good memories, but sometimes, just sometimes they bring back bad memories too. You see 2 years ago today was the last time we were together as a whole family. The last time we laughed together and the last picture I will ever have of all of my kids together.

Two years ago, my daughter went to start a new life in Gloucester with her boyfriend. Nathan Green. She was pregnant and I knew I was losing her to a new life but nothing ever prepared me for the devastation that was to come. Within a month, Nathan was arrested and charged with Child pornography and offering my unborn child to other paedophiles on the dark web. Two years ago today everything seemed so perfect. I was proud of the daughter I had bought up alone, I was proud that she was starting her own life. But that bastard Nathan Green Is a paedophile. If only I had known, how did I not see the signs? why had I stopped checking her Facebook every day? How could I have failed my child in such a massive way?


Its been two years since I have seen my daughter, Two years of hell, Two years of tears and Two years of having to be strong for my kids. Two years of wanting to kill the man that has a hold over my daughter, and two years of wanting to really hurt the man that offered his unborn baby to other paedophiles.

So here I am grieving for my child, but there is no closure. When someone dies, you grieve and you move on, as hard as it is, you start putting the pieces of your life back together. Life is never the same but you have closure. You have somewhere to go and be close to your loved one. I don't have that closure, I don't have a daughter or a grandaughter. I have no where to go to be close to them, no where to sit and cry alone.

Today I struggled, I was a bitch at work, I couldn't function properly and I couldn't tell anyone what was wrong. Today I sat on the bus home, holding back the tears and willing the bus to get me home sooner, so that I could get home to my kids. Today I struggled as I pretended to Tilly that nothing was wrong and today I sat on my bed with my head in my hands thinking that I cannot cope with this any more, wondering why I am here when I can't protect my family properly

Today that bastard won! Tomorrow I start to fight back again because he has taken enough of our past, I refuse to let him take my future.

2 comments :

  1. Sending the biggest of hugs! Thinking of you! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Vicky I have no words but know you are an amazing mother & he will not win! ox

    ReplyDelete

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