Saturday, 3 December 2016

The Difficulty Of Dating Over 40 - Using WhatsApp To Date

Dating when you’re a single parent to a six-year-old is hard enough on its own, but dating when you are a single parent to a six-year-old AND over 40, it seems so much harder. Let’s face it, my social calendar is filled with play dates and kid style social events. A night on the town? What’s one of them? It is such a mission to get a babysitter that you can trust to leave with your child. I do have Kimmy, who looks after Tilly a lot, so it seems unfair to have her look after Tilly at the weekend too. So, nights out are gone. But to be honest, you go to a night club and you become the obsession of some drunk bloke’s attention until he is so drunk and throws up over your shoes or you end up going to hide in the toilet with your mates because he is slurring so much that you can’t understand him.
So, it seems that I need to be looking down other avenues for dating! So, I made it my mission to find out what kind of men I found on Social media. I like to think that I am quite perceptive on social media and know my stuff, but there is so much out there, that it’s hard to keep up. So instead of putting it all in one blog post, I thought I would write a different post for each dating avenue I have gone down over the past few months. Starting with WhatsApp.


I was not a big WhatsApp fan until I went to Turkey, but it is a free way to keep in touch with people. So reluctantly I added it without even realise that this was a way that men picked up women – I can be so naïve at times! So we had a fab holiday in Turkey and when it came to the time we had to leave, we made sure we added people on our various social media channels and one bloke told me that he didn’t do ‘social media’ because he didn’t like it but he had WhatsApp, so as he was a quiet guy, I didn’t see the harm in adding him. That was my first mistake!


When we got home, I sent a message to say we had gotten home safely and didn’t expect to hear back from him. Instead what happened was a shock to both me and the friends I went on holiday with. This man, we will call him ‘S’ had been so quiet on holiday and had spent some time with us in the evenings, but he had seemed too much of a ‘good boy’ to really get in to trouble like we did. This all changed though once I was home and he replied to my message by telling me that he was coked up and starting telling me how he thought I was lovely and sweet. He was charming the whole way and all though I do not wear rose tinted glasses, it was easy to see how girls can fall for men like this on holiday and they think that these men are in love with them. But jeez, I was 43 years old!

But as the conversation progressed to him wanting sex and saying he wanted to call me ‘His Bitch’, it was obvious the way the conversation was going. Before I knew it, ''those kinds'' of pictures came through on my phone, now it’s so easy to get caught up in the moment and send one back, but just remember that once those pictures are sent, they could end up anywhere. My friends and I had a good giggle at what was sent. But when he wanted to talk to me late one night, and I was asleep, he kept messaging me and ringing me. It got to the point of obsession and he kept telling me that he could see I was online, despite not being on my WhatsApp at the time. A barrage of abuse followed!



In the morning, I messaged him to say I had been asleep and all I got in return was a more abuse, so I cut the conversation then and never messaged him. It wasn’t long before he wanted to send pictures to me again and when I refused to reply because I was busy, he tried to manipulate me and make me feel like I was missing something. Then he dropped the bombshell that he had a girlfriend. I suppose that it should have been a question that I should have asked in the first place, but you do get swept up in things and I didn’t even think to do it. So, he was doing all of this behind his girlfriend’s back and had asked me not to tell anyone from the hotel that he worked at. But I never was one for keeping secrets and he is going to keep doing this to girls, only one day there might be a girl that thinks he really loves her and it’s going to go very wrong for him. He obviously didn't want anyone knowing from his place of work because he kept repeating that I shouldn't tell anyone.

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So, my experience of dating by WhatsApp wasn’t exactly how I had expected it to go. I know it wasn’t even dating but whatever I had experienced wanted me to delete my WhatsApp altogether. When you give someone your WhatsApp number, it means they can trace you down and call you whenever they want. Is that really what you want?

Next I will write about my experiences of Internet dating, and how sleazy men can be on there too.

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