Saturday, 27 February 2016

The Say You Can't Choose Your Family, But I Did

With Mothers Day fast approaching and Tilly getting excited about going to town this afternoon with her older sister to buy some gifts for me, I am quite looking forward to the day. I know she will make Kim take her to poundland and I will end up with something that she really wanted for herself, But the fact she bought it herself will make it so special.

Mothers day is a bitter sweet occasion for me as I don't have my own mother to spoil and spend the day with. My mother walked out of our life a few years ago and has since done some unforgivable things to me and my children. It is sadder for her because she misses out on being involved in the kids life as well as mine. She has had the door opened for her on a few occasions over the years, but never accepted.

The thing is that Tilly doesn't have a grandmother, so that is where my aunt stepped in, she told me when Tilly was a baby that it wasn't right that Tilly didn't have grandparents and she was going to be Tillys Nanny Jan and my uncle was going to be Grandad Camper (they love camper vans). Some little words that in the grand scheme of things mean't so much to me and she was one of the first people I turned to when I found out the life changing things last summer. She is always the first person I tell when I have a secret and she is the first port of call if I have a free weekend and no where to go. She moved house last year to get away from us and we still found her so we are stuck with her forever! In fact one of the bedrooms in the new house is called Tillys room (it isn't but she said to Tilly 'here is your room' so tilly thinks its hers permanently)

Not only is it my aunt and uncle who have taken Tilly on, it is my cousins too and they make a special effort to see us when we visit, they are like the sisters I never had. They have no choice really as I make them come and visit us hahaha. Tilly does get confused with the family dynamics, but I tell her its nothing to be worried about and that these people love her very much.

Tilly has asked me about my mother and whether she can meet her, but although Kim tried to set it up, she never replied to any emails despite it showing that it has been read. Each time this happens, or each time my mother does something to hurt or ignore my family it makes my heart break a little bit more for the kids.

But getting back to Nanny Jan, she is lady that has helped us through the tough times last year and I am sure she will help us through the many tough times to come. I might not speak to her for a month and then I will pick the phone up to her 3 times in a day! She is the lady that listened to me and all of a sudden I feel 100 times better and she is the lady that goes out of her way for us. If we could chose our own mum's then I would choose her. Nanny Jan is so like my own Nan (her mother) and when I see them together it reminds me of the closeness that my Nan had with all of her grandchildren. I have made some stupid choices over the years and she has never judged me. In fact she is the mother I yearn to be with my own children, many people want to be like a famous person as that is their role model, I just want to be like Nanny Jan.

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