Anyway getting back to the blog post, we all know that I had severe PND after I had Tilly and afterwards a Psychiatrist diagnosed me with mild bipolar. I have struggled with depression throughout my life and it made being a parent pretty hard at times, but you know what? I did it - I bought three children up to be adults that are making their own way in the world, it might not be a way I agree with but I can't stop them - they are all adults now. When my daughter had her baby removed by Social services and placed into foster care, we were asked to apply to look after the baby. Kimmy and I had a long chat and we decided we had to give it a go, after all Nathan had only looked at a few images online or so we were told. We never found out about the severity of the case until we read it in the Daily Mail. We had to find out from a newspaper!
By this time we had our assessment and we received the result. An envelope with beige pages arrived from the Social Service dept in The Midlands and they said that they wouldn't be recommending that we go further with our application and gave a few reasons that they had completely taken out of context. We all know that Social Service departments are renowned for this kind of thing and that babies are usually forced in to adoption to provide for all the families that are desperate for a child. I have heard all of the urban myths about babies taken and placed with families as they have targets to meet. How true this is, I have no idea!
But the list of excuse they gave for not recommending us for going further was actually and honestly pretty piss poor! One of the reasons was that my daughter didn't want the baby placed with us; she had in fact made it quite clear the baby wasn't to live with us. But I find it odd that Social Service, who agreed that my daughter was groomed and brain washed and wasn't living in the real world, was suddenly listening to what she wanted! They told me that there were concerns for her mental health and refused to do anything to get her help. I had asked them to section my daughter for her own protection when an incident happened whilst she was pregnant and they said no! My daughter would have been so much safer and out of the clutches of a paedophile, who was controlling her every move as well as some of his family. If they had removed her from the situation, she could be on the road to recovery and have her baby with her
Another reason was because I suffer from Bipolar and clearly written under the negative indicators and identified risks section it actually says that
Vicky has suffered from mental health issues and has been diagnosed with bipolar, which at times has led Vicky relying on the older children to care for Tilly, thus placing a big responsibility on her older children to take on a caring role not only for their little sister but also their mother too. I am concerned that should ***** be placed in Vickys care, on going support from the older children would be required and could again place ***** at further risk
Then later on Vicky has been open to her alcohol misuse in the past, given her mental health issues I question Vicky's ability to manage stress and difficult situations that could arise from given the family dynamics
Okay, right now you can't see this but I am screaming at the computer WTF Bitch ?!?! I have been through it over the past 6 months, I found out my daughter was groomed by a paedophile, this paedophile was arrested for offering his new baby to other paedophiles, I worried about my own baby having been in contact with him, I tried to hold my little family together, I have had to hold my older girl up when her own father lied to her and kept secrets about the situation, I have taken blame for it all from one of my children, I have had to hold my baby when she cried for her sister, I have had all trust in my daughter taken away and I have lost a grand child. Yet NOT once did I fall apart, NOT once did I have a breakdown, NOT once did I take a day off work because I couldn't cope with what was going on and NOT once did I even cry for what was going on. If anything was going to affect Vickys ability to manage stress and difficult situations then surely it would of been all of that crap! Not once did you mention that I turned to drink in the depths of severe PND and the fact I was failed by all the agencies, especially the health visitor who simply walked away because she didn't understand PND.
I was of the understanding that mental health problems were not a taboo subject anymore. I actually thought there was more of an understanding towards mental health problems. But it appears that Social services are a law on to themselves and they can use mental health to separate families. Not once did it mention that Vicky has suffered from mental health problems for many years but still has managed to raise 3 adult children and is giving her 4th child a childhood that many others are not lucky to have. Not once did it say that 'Vicky has raised her children as a single parent and relies on the caring role the older children offer so she can put food on the table and give Vicky a break' Not once did it say Vicky is a caring mum despite her mental health problem (that BTW, she isn't medicated for because she controls it herself!). Instead it made me out to be a failure as a parent and that is how I have felt for months since this arrived in my letterbox.
Why are Social Services using mental health problems as an excuse to remove a baby from a family? I know it’s a widespread problem because I am very much aware of parents with mental health problems having their children removed before even speaking to the parents. Why did social services not support my family more at the time of this situation? If my mental health problems were so bad, then why didn't you offer my family a network of support? Why did you just walk away and leave us to deal with the situation? Why did you not even have the decency to tell us about the court case where Nathan Green was found guilty of his crimes? Why did you not warn us of the impact this was going to bring my family? Where are your ethics?
Now that the court case is over and decisions have been made, now that I have had to seek help myself to build my family together again and now I have things in place for Tilly to cope with this whole situation. I sit here wondering when the whole stigma of mental health will finally disappear!