This week I found out that I had been betrayed by a person who is supposed to put you above everyone else and is supposed to be there to support your choices and give you advice. This week someone showed me that they are trying everything to push us further from her life and this week someone helped me to feel sorry for them more and more because of their sad pathetic life. But lets go back to the beginning to understand the post I am writing.
I was the oldest of three children and life was pretty tough growing up, my dad was in the army and he was away often which meant that my mum was effectively single parenting us - as a single parent, I know this is tough. She suffered from depression and there are times in my childhood that I wish to forget. Yet she was my mother and you forgive your mother and as I suffer from depression, I know how hard it can be to even function on a daily basis. As we got older, I moved out when I was pregnant with Kim. It wasn't something I wanted to do but she stopped speaking to me and it became unbearable. The day I left, she told me I would never be welcomed back. I moved to Hampshire, to a village I had never been before and My family grew. My relationship with my mum repaired itself when Kim was about 9 months old and over the next few years we seemed to get closer and I felt like I had the kind of mother that I had always wanted.
When I was pregnant with Beth, I got a phone call to say my brother had left. He simply did what I did - walked away. A few years passed and my marriage failed so I moved back to Kent to be nearer the family, I had kinda proved I could do things myself and didn't have anything else left to prove - or so I thought.
Beth had always been my mums favourite, Beth had been a child model so my mum would show her off as if she was a prize. She was always contacting local newspapers to talk about Beth and her latest achievement. I suppose none of us saw this affecting the other kids and I started to feel strain in the relationship as she would be nasty about the older kids. She would always say 'Zach is just like his father' or 'Zach is naughty' or just pick at anything he was doing. She seemed to think this was okay, but you know what - it wasn't okay with me!
Beth started to get into a lot of trouble and my mum turned her back on her, she didn't want to know anything beth and stopped spending time with her. She stopped helping out and the way I was helping Beth was wrong, apparently the counselling sessions were not good enough and I needed to discipline my daughter 'properley'. At this time I got pregnant with Tilly, I told my mum on her birthday and all she could say was to tell me what a stupid thing I had done when I couldn't even control the kids that I had. I miscarried Tillys twin and she told me it was for the best, nearly lost Tilly at 19 weeks and whilst the hospital tried to stop me miscarrying, Zach had a head injury. She phoned me and I asked her to pick him up from school and take him to A&E. She refused, she told me she was too busy and I had to do it myself. The fact I was in hospital praying that I didn't miscarry my baby didn't seem to matter. Luckily a friend was able to get him checked out.
A few weeks later, 22nd November it was my birthday, I was 25 weeks pregnant with Tilly and I phoned in the morning and asked if she was still coming to meet us for lunch at a restaurant. She ignored a few calls and then finally answered the phone, as It was my birthday and we had passed the 24 week mark for the baby I was in a pretty good mood until she said these words (they are her words and I will never forget them). 'Yes I am coming out for lunch BUT if you talk about Zach joining the army, THAT BABY, or make Christmas plans then I will just get up and walk out' I was stunned! Nobody was ever going to tell me what I could talk about and what I couldn't talk about. I simply said to her 'Then just don't come' and that was the last time I spoke to her. She simply walked out of mine and my childrens life, meaning not only had she already lost a son, she had now lost a daughter.
Over the years that followed Kim and Beth tried to get her to meet Tilly and each time Beth arrived at her shop with Tilly, my mum would ignore her as if she was something to be tossed aside. Kim sent messages to my mum saying that Tilly wants to meet her nanny, Messages were read and ignored. My mum had no interest in being part of my babies life, even though she was asking to meet her nanny. Luckily my aunt a very special lady has stepped up to become Tillys nanny and My uncle has become Grandad. They do grandparent things with her, that my own mum should be doing. Tilly is lucky to have people in her life that choose to be part of her life and I have cousins that don't mind Tilly gatecrashing the grandchild party.
When the news broke about Nathan, I actually needed my mum and she never even offered to help us or support us. A crisis usually heals a rift and families pull together but I showed that I don't need her as I had support from so many other people who were there to listen to everything. And recently Beth told me that my own mother had been using my dads personal Facebook account to access everything I was doing and repeating it to her. When Beth told me about a status I had written, I asked her who had told her and it didn't actually take long for her to crumble and tell me. Everything I am trying to do to get Nathan Green imprisoned has been passed on to them both. Not that I am worried about this as the idea was to get the word out - so her sharing my statuses has only been a good thing!
But my mother has now well and truly closed the door on this daughter, and I will lock and bolt it behind her as I will not have her stirring things to gain favour with MY daughter just because she lost her own!