Friday, 7 August 2015

Vicky Fights For Her Family

This is a post that I never thought I would ever have to write, because this is the type of thing that happens to other people. If I was to watch this on Eastenders, I would think it was an unbelievable story line, but this is true and very real.This post is sensitive and sad, but it needs explaining why I have missed deadlines and why our life is full of uncertainty and sadness.

Three weeks ago my world was turned upside down when my son told me that his sister's boyfriend had been arrested and bailed for possessing and distributing indecent child images. I was horrified and straight away I went into protective mummy mode, as that's what you do isn't it? I checked out her Facebook page, to see if there was anything I had missed. I tried to phone her and message her, all I wanted to do was reassure her that I would help her through this. The only thing I didn't understand was why she would want to stay with him when she was 8 months pregnant with her own daughter.
The most worrying thing about the arrest was that he had been arrested and bailed in march 2015, a whole 5 months ago, and I was only just finding about it now! My daughter told me that it was because Social services had told her not to make me aware of what had happened, The police didn't notify me, even though this man had become a part of my family, he had been in my home, he had seen my 5 year old daughter naked one day when she walked down the stairs after taking her clothes off!

I felt so sick about the whole situation, my daughter had discovered she was pregnant in December 2014, we haven't always got on perfectly but this pregnancy bonded us together. Within weeks this man had moved my daughter across the country to a town in Gloucestershire, contact almost completely stopped as she started to ignore Facebook posts, phone calls and Skype calls. The only time she answered would be when Tilly called her, Tilly loved to see her sister and the boyfriend on the screen and it made it easier for her to cope with her sister moving away. Suddenly the boyfriend disappeared from all his social media and I asked my daughter what was wrong. She simply told me that her boyfriend was depressed and needed time away. The contact between Tilly and her sister carried on Skyping, this time she was alone on the camera and the boyfriend would talk to Tilly but not be seen. This I thought was strange, yet I didn't want to keep questioning their choices, Afterall they were starting out on their own and I needed to give them space to prepare for their own family.

Between March and July, things were strained and my daughter would not return phone calls, when ever I wrote on her wall, I would be told that I never asked how she was or blaming me for not understanding her problems. Yet she never told me her problems and when I tried to get her to open up, She wouldn't. I knew this wasn't her, so when I finally was told about what was happening, it was almost a relief as I could help her...... or so I thought.

I found out that this man had moved her away from her new life in Gloucestershire and she now lived in a town in Worcestershire. I had never even heard of Worcestershire, I thought it was just a crisp flavour! So my girl was alone, in a strange town whilst her boyfriend was apparently in a bail hostel. This is where things start to get twisted and everyone in the situation tells a different story!

My ex husband tells me about the bail hostel, my daughter says he lives elsewhere - so I don't know where he lives, I just know he wasn't allowed to live with my daughter. My daughter told me that if I tell anyone that I will be banned from having anything to do with my grand child, So even before she was born - my grandaughter was being used as a weapon. My heart was absolutely broken and I was devastated. After speaking to her social worker I was told that my daughter had been groomed and brainwashed (something I suspected already). This made me start to understand why she would want to stay with her boyfriend and I thought she would put her little girl first as soon as a bond would start kicking in, A baby sometimes isn't real until she arrives.

My daughter assured me that her baby would be safe and told me measures that were going to be put into place, the social worker told me different. Living in a different county made things so hard and I kept offering to go up as I was worried about her. Only to be told that I couldn't go up because it would mean that she couldn't see her boyfriend. To have a vile evil man like that put before us was so sad and distressing that it made me realise, she really was under some kind of spell.

My daughter would ask me to phone her and then call the police to say I was harassing her! The police phoned me and notified me that they wouldn't be supporting any injunctions she wanted against me. I knew that she was trying to discredit me as a mother, But when she complained to social services about me and told them that she didn't want me knowing anything about the case it was the final straw. There was nothing I could do to please my child, even though I wasn't doing anything wrong. All I could do was sit and watch the details unravel.

This is how easy it is for a child or young lady to be groomed and you don't notice. This is no where near the end of the story, but like all good soap opera's I am going to be continuing tomorrow because it is a lot to take in and this family has really become a contender for Jeremy Kyle, The only problem is that I still have all my teeth ;)

Without the support of some really close friends and family, I couldn't have got through the last few weeks. Trying to keep everything normal for Tilly has been hard, I haven't been able to lose it at all for fear of Tilly realising there is a problem. She has asked us if her sister has forgotten her, but we change the subject. Its just too hard to explain to a five year old, what her sister is going through.


  1. The heart of a mother; it bears so much pain sometimes. So sorry this is happening to your family and I really pray that your daughter will get the support she needs so that you can have her and your granddaughter back. #Facebook group

  2. Crikey, Sorry to hear about all of this. As others have said it's good that socal services are being as helpful as they are to be honest.

  3. I am speechless. It is something you see in soaps and never think will happen. My heart goes out to you. What an evil man turning your girl against you and using an unborn child as a weapon. Hope it all works out for you all. Xxx

  4. Oh my dearest. :'(
    I am so so sorry to read this, I can't even begin to imagine what you all are going through.
    Such a shock it must have been and still is!!
    And that she's been groomed as well to the point where she doesn't see the severity of the situation... :'(

    We are sending love and light, I hope things will start looking up soon and that your daughter will start to understand what his game has been.

  5. So sorry to read this I hope that your daughter returns home very soon x

  6. Sadly these sorts of people are very very clever. Bit by bit they erode away at existing relationships when they sense a chink in the armour they chip away a bit more. Then there is no contact, no support and the adult feels alone and isolated, and so they depend more and more on their "abuser".
    All I can suggest for now is that you let the social work know you are there for her in whatever way you need to be an step back. let her come round in her own time, when she feels strong enough.
    She may well be feel embarrassed and hurt and its all her own fault.
    Be strong, sending love.

  7. I would just like to say thank you to everyone for your kind words. I have taken a step back at the moment as my daughter has made it clear I am to have nothing to do with her or her baby. I was expecting this although I had hoped she would do everything in her power to protect her baby. This has absolutely crushed us as a family and sent a divide between us all. Whilst my ex husband see's it as normal to be caught for downloading child porn, I on the other hand wanted to fight for my daughter. I wanted my daughter out of the whole situation and my ex husband said she was safe and it was fine. She loves her BF and whilst myself and some of my daughters friends have tried to get her out of the situation, she has turned her back on us, hurting lifelong friends in the long run. But my husband who walked out on her as a baby has come in, supported her choices, told her its fine to stay with the 'alleged paedophile' and as he is supporting her that way, she wont listen to us.


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