Friday, 3 October 2014

Tillys Father

Tilly has recently been asking about her dad, I think that now she is at school she has obviously noticed dads doing the school runs and often wondered why she hasn't got a dad. We have told her from day one that she hadn't got a dad. But i knew the time had come to tell her the truth!


You see i was very much in love with Tillys dad for over 4 years and we had a great relationship - whilst he was sober! When he drank he turned into quite a nasty man. I thought that I could save him, but eventually after Tilly was born and he yelled at her when she was 5 weeks old, I knew he would be no good in her life and I had to protect my baby with my life. So after that day, he was never allowed in the house alone with the baby, there was always someone in the room with him. Then at 7 months old, he was throwing furniture around the house in a drunken rage - I told him to leave and never come back, My baby would never be allowed to see such behaviour!

All was quiet until just after christmas 2011 and I started to get nasty abusive text messages from him, I tried
so hard to ignore them but they wore me down and eventually when they started threatening to take Tilly, I knew I had to get the police involved, so I called them, my heart was torn in two - i was calling the police on my daughters father and I knew he was on a slippery slope, spiralling out of control and he needed help not police involvement but at the same time i had to protect my little girl. The police arrived, saw the texts and i was told he would be given an order to keep away from me and Tilly. He isn't to contact us in any way and since then life has been so much more harmonious and Tilly has grown up knowing she doesn't have a dad and doesn't need one as she has a big brother.

Tillys dad is still a heavy drinker and I really don't think he will be around to see Tilly grow up, sometimes when i walk past him in the street, he reminds me of a tramp. His clothes are dirty and he stinks of beer, he slurs his words and he cant walk straight. His face is as red as a beetroot. But he is still her dad and I really hope that she grows up to know that this man is different to the man i fell in love with over 8 years ago! But Tilly is getting older and wiser every day and I took the decision of telling her that she does
have a dad. After talking it through with one of her older sisters and her older brother, I took tilly to my bed and we cuddled up as i told her that she does have a dad and that he cant see her at the moment as he is in a bad place, he is poorly because he has had too many beers. We looked at photos and we found his facebook account with up to date photos, we talked about him and she saw a photo of her half sister and even asked if it was Tilly! Afterwards i told her that if she ever wants to see her dad then she is to let me know, but it wont be until she is a little bit older, She needs to be older to make up her own mind about him. After we had a chat, she said 'ok' and got off my bed and went to play and hasn't mentioned it since!

I am glad I had a chat with her about it. She knows she is the same as the other children at school, she has a dad but he just doesn't live with her. I want her to grow up knowing he has a dad because if he cleans his act up, he can be an active part of her life - sadly i cant see it happening anytime soon.


2 comments :

  1. Well done and courageous thing to do with a young daughter. I was in the same situation - drunkenness, but not violent or throwing things - when I lost my job. That cost me my relationship and my 2 sons, although I still see them twice a year - they now 400 miles away!!!! so its a long trip to stay with them which i can. I managed to turn my life around and be a normal person again instead of a drunk. I hope Tilly's father can manage to do the same. Good luck with whatever happens xx
    (Spencer)

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  2. Good on you for doing the right thing by Tilly, then & now. It couldn't have been easy for you x #familyfriday

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