Thursday, 2 October 2014
A Smile Hides A Thousand Feelings - Wearing The Fake Smile
Sometimes when you see a person in the street or that friend of yours thats always smiling, seems happy go lucky and always on the go - It is hard to realise that something is wrong. You see people with depression can hide their bad times from you, they become experts in deception and lying, So that person you see thats always laughing could actually be breaking inside.
That person you see who is short and snappy with you, that friend who wants to be alone - they are not ignoring you, they are having a difficult time at the moment and they need some time to be alone and for the real person to come out for a while. That friend is being careful not to cause upset to you, by the things she might say.
That friend of yours who cant look you in the eye, isn't avoiding you for any other reason than she knows you could see right through the fake smile.
That friend your being rude too because your having a bad day, or things aren't going your way - your remarks could just push her over the edge! They could take it to heart and you never know how bad the consequences could be. Depression is often hard for others to see because either they cant see further than their own nose or the person suffering from depression is hiding it so well. They become an expert of how to act and how to cover their tracks.
Sometimes i can have a day where i can put on my fake smile, be the perfect employee, the perfect mummy and the perfect(ish) friend - yet all i want to do is go home, climb to bed and swallow a bottle of pills. You see after suffering depression for over 20 years and more recently being diagnosed with Bipolar I have become quite an expert at hiding how I really feel sometimes and my moods can go from high to low within minutes. This is why its extremely hard for me to cope when someone says something that may seem so trivial to them, when others get me involved in things that my (grown up) children have done/ haven't done, or when people come to me and say 'so and so has done this or hasn't done this ....... blah blah blah.
I choose to do this without meds as I am learning to live with my illness, not mask it with medication. I am learning to live with it and control the ups and downs. But sometimes I just want to cry at the end of the day and let it all out. Cry out of sadness, frustration and relief that I managed to get through another day without stupid people trying to ruin it
Depression/BipolarAnxiety its all hard to live with - if you know someone who suffers, please think twice before you pass judgement or comments.