As I walked Tilly to school yesterday - a full 2 and half hours late! I find myself asking if every mum feels like I do today!.
Before I was ready to leave yesterday morning I made the mistake of unlocking the front door and before I knew it she was off like billy wizz! Firstly I called her back to put shoes on and wash her face but fatally made the mistake of letting go of her and as quick as a flash she was off. So here I to again calling her back in to brush her hair. Suddenly her selective hearing has kicked in and I find myself getting louder and louder ( much to the dismay of my neighbour who has left her door open on this seemingly quiet day)
When we are finally ready to go, we walk down the road and Tilly wants to do rhyming words, so we start with the obvious 'cat in the hat', she says a few more and suddenly i have to copy her! only i had kinda switched off and wasnt even listening so of course i get it wrong and after a stamp of the feet and a cry, together with declarations of how stupid i am and now we have to start the whole process again! I have just been owned by my 4 year old. I am a 40 something mummy and i find myself walking down the busy road repeating rhymes and nonsense words, fearing for my sanity!
But it got me wondering about all the other parents out there that live and breathe their children, that are with them every hour of everyday, Am i the only one that admits actually how hard it is sometimes to do the most simplest of things, like repeating rhymes when you mind is full of 100 other things. The parents with the good children that never put a foot wrong (stepford children) or the ones that dont admit that their children are naughty, they must be mortified to see my willful, stubborn beautiful daughter sometimes, especially this morning in town when we went to a shop and she insisted on putting her head near a working fan to see if her hair would get caught in it, or when we went to the butchers and she found it funny to throw herself down the stairs, declaring how clever she was - dont get me wrong, my child isnt obnoxious or extremely naughty, but she is adventurous and willful,
Then the tears start as we get closer to school and she clings to my leg and wont let go, she doesnt want to go to school, she wants to go to her new big school and she wants mummy to collect her later, instead of mummys friend. I try to explain i am working, but she is having none of it, Damn they know how to make you feel guilty - add manipulation to her list of 'qualities' lol. When we get to the school looking like you have been dragged through a bush, with unbrushed hair and no make up on, with a bit of breakfast down your top, you wonder to yourself how other mothers manage to look pristine, they must get up at 4am and start the daily process! Anyway drop off successful and for the next 8 hours i can look forward to being VICKY again, not mummy. People without kids wont understand how important it is to get your own identity back for a few hours a day :)
Before you have a child, you are filled with fairy tale visions of babies and you get the romanticism idea of beautiful gurgling babies that feed exactly every 4 hours, they sleep perfectly for 12 hours a night and you never hear phrases like 'threenager' until your child becomes one and suddenly you think WTF???? Wouldnt it be really nice to have a baby manuel that tells the truth? a manual that doesnt sugar coat the truth and helps you cope in times like when your child insists on tomato ketchup on toast instead of jam as her reckoning is that they are both red, so she should be allowed ketchup for breakfast. How about a manual that helps you to deal with problem of leaving a room for 5 minutes, whilst your pre school child is watching Disney Junior and you return 5 minutes later to find her in a playtime induced coma and you cant wake her up, then you find yourself still awake at 1AM watching Frozen and having to stand on the bed doing the actions and singing 'Let it Go'
What about the one time your child does actually go to sleep at a decent time in the evening, they look so cute clutching the tiny minutest cat toy ever made in their chubby little hand, But dont be fooled! you will be woken up at some god forsaken hour with cries of the missing cat, you have no idea what they time is as your eyes wont focus enough to look on your mobile phone. But its still dark, so in my reckoning its too early! you find yourself dashing to the childs bed before they wake a street full of people up with the screaming and you frantically feel around for the cat, not daring to breathe until its safely back in the hand of the child.
Before you have a child, you definitely see motherhood/parenthood through rose tinted glasses and as we are preparing for the arrival we all declare we are going to have the most well behaved, cleverest child in the world. But thats not important - its important to bring up a happy child and if they want to throw themself down stairs, then let them, they might only do it once. But being a child is about being adventurous, its about discovery and its about winding your parents up. Being a parent is such a learning curve and even though Tilly is number 4 child, i am still learning every day with her. I do love her little qualities and they give us memories that will last forever, the things she does, brings laughter into our home, like last night when she was jumping off the sofa arm and was pretending to dive in a pool full of water. How my little adventurer has got to 4 years old with out any broken limbs, i will never know!!
So i leave you now as today we are going to the skate park with Tillys new Skateboard (she has wanted one for months!) and she things she can do all the tricks on the ramps - oh my days!