The day after i found out i was pregnant with Tilly, i got the worst cramps
so i was sent to the hospital for an emergency check up for ectopic pregnancy. I arrived at the EPU (early pregnancy unit) and i was given a scan, they told me my tubes were clear, that the baby was 4 weeks gestation and i was to be seen the next week. I had blood tests and as the hormones had tripled instead of doubling in a normal pregnancy, then it was a certain sign of twins. I was giddy with excitement but also disbelieved it and we kept it to ourselves.
further scans revealed the second baby was growing at a slower pace and Tilly was taking all the nutrients from baby number 2. By the time i was 8 weeks, the second twins sac had collapsed and the baby was no longer viable. I went to see the Consultant who took a look at my notes, she then looked up and said 'so you have miscarried one of the babies, but the first baby is strong and we will see you in a couple of weeks.' then i was sent on my way.
I told the friend who was with me and she said 'oh well you still have one', i told my mum who said 'oh really' and I told other people, most of them said 'oh at least you have another one' or 'well most people dont know this early in pregnancy, so your lucky to have known'
Actually there was nothing lucky about it! i had lost a child and this was a big deal to me, and call me selfish but i actually wanted both of my children and not have to give birth to one knowing i lost the other one. I felt like i had failed as a mother and that i should of done more to keep them both. I even have to admit that for a short while i resented my growing baby for taking everything and leaving nothing for the other baby. I went home and got in bed for two days and i cried and cried and cried! A few friends were understanding and tried to help to cheer me up but i was grieving for what i had lost.
I had no counselling, received no leaflets of advice of what to expect , i didnt know how safe Tilly would be and what would happen to the miscarried twin. i had never encountered this before and felt i had no where to turn.
At 12 weeks i had a bleed and was back at the EPU, they told me that my body was getting rid of the second baby and still i got no counselling or support. I was sent home to rest after a scan.
At 19 weeks i woke up to a massive haemorrhage bleed, a friend rushed me to hospital and i was left to wait in the day ward untill they found me a bed on maternity. When i got to maternity, i over heard a nurse saying i shouldn't be there as i was having a miscarriage and i should be on the EPU ward. I was devastated, i was scared and i was very lonely. They kept me on maternity for 3 days untill the bleeding stopped. I had to wait 2 days but eventually i was scanned, Amazingly there was still a heartbeat and i was sent home to rest. I prayed so hard that my baby would make it to 24 weeks and the day she did, we had a little party as we knew that if i had a problem again, the hospital staff would have to save her!
At 21 weeks i had another scan and the placenta had come away from the womb, that had been the reason for the hemorrhage.
I would like to say the rest of my pregnancy went without a hitch - but that would just be a fairy story, we had a few problems still and i was in and out of consultants offices. But on March 9th 2010 my little tilly was born. Her name is Matilda, a german name meaning Warrior because thats what she was.
Its still sometimes hurts to talk about the miscarriage and how close i came to losing Tilly too, but here i am - talking about it for the mumsnet campaign because if it helps one mum, then its worth it.
Mumsnet did a survey of over 1000 mums and these are the shocking results
- Half (46%) had to wait for over 24 hours for a scan, with one in five (18%) waiting longer than three days
- Half (47%) were treated alongside women with ongoing pregnancies
- A third (31%) of those who miscarried at home following a scan were not offered any or adequate pain relief
- Over half (58%) of respondents wanted counselling, but only 12% were offered it
- Only 15% of women who miscarried at home following a scan felt they had the right support, information and pain relief to manage at home
- 11 people were asked to store the remains of their baby at home prior to further tests
Mumsnet are campaigning to get better support for parents who lose a child through miscarriage and they want the politicians to pledge to get better #miscarriagecare. There are 3 politicians who can make this happen, dont let expectant mothers suffer and please tweet the following sentence- i have.
Hi @jeremy_hunt, @andyburnhammp & @normanlamb please pledge to improve #miscarriagecare http://tiny.mn/1xUnSpQhttp://tiny.mn/1sbGQYv