Monday, 28 April 2014

Having a family with a BIG age difference

When i was younger i had 3 kids in just over 3 years, and boy was it really hard work! The early years in my kids lives passed in such a haze, and i am really not sure how i did it (especially now when its just as hard work having one baby in the house). But somehow i managed to bring them up single handedly after their good for nothing dad left us!

I always said that i would like another child to enjoy when i was older - not that i never enjoyed my older children, but it was a hard slog and money was so tight, anything i had was divided by 3 children and luxuries were far and few between. Now with Tilly, i am able to spoil her much more than i could with the older ones, i am in a much better place financially and things seem to be much cheaper than when the older kids were little. So i am able to give Tilly what she needs or wants. Yes she is spoilt!

There are many positives to having a big age gap with my kids. when Tilly was born Kimmy was 17, Zach was 16 and beth was 14

  • I now had live in babysitters to help out, they even take tilly out if i need a break or to get jobs done around the house. 
  • I am able to give tilly my undivided attention as the others are older than her and don't demand attention
  • It meant there were 4 adults in the house to help tilly learn things like walking, talking, and now with her writing etc
  • The older kids are around to help with Tilly, by putting to bed, doing the school run, cooking dinner.
  • I have ensured the empty nest feeling doesn't come too soon, i have extended having the sound of children in my home for many years to come.
  • Its great having a little one in the house, making us giggle with her little comments and the things she does.
  • before Tilly came along, we were struggling as a family. Tilly pulled our family together - she was a band aid baby i suppose you could say.
  • I feel younger than my 41 years, having a little one makes you feel younger - sometimes!
  • you can fish out the old clothes you had in the attic, and they are not old fashioned, they are positively vintage!
  • you get to enjoy the world of Disney again, with the excuse its for your child
The negatives at having a baby with such a big age gap?
  • you forget how to look after a new baby, you feel like a first time mum, but when its your fourth baby - everyone expects you to know it all.
  • you get mistaken for the child's  GRANDMOTHER!
  • you go to baby group and you dont really fit in, your not in the young mums clique, your not with the childminders, you need to find yourself an older parent clique to fit in with.
  • your child will  effectively grow up as an only child because the age gap is so big.
  • Your child will find it hard to understand why his/her brothers and sisters are so grown up and cant play with them
  • you dont have the energy to keep up with a little one as you get older and the pregnancy takes its toll too.
  • You have to do the school run AGAIN. 
  • You lose touch with your friends who think that you have different interests now you have a new child
  • you may be the oldest mother at the school gate
I am glad i had a baby later on in life, although it has been filled with heartache and saddness at times, that is all in the past and we can only look forward now. Kimmy is the only one home and its a real juggle trying to sort out our life with the little person. Organisation is a thing of the long and distant past.

Would i do it again if i had the chance? yep more than likely. 

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