The year started as normal as the last few years previously, But i was so hard up and poor that i had to ask for help, and luckily therer were people there to help me. I was struggling at college to pay the nursery fees and sure start stepped in nd funded it, and i had to go to the food bank a couple of times and ask for help. these people never judge and they were such a saviour.
But by march i had bitten the bullet and given Tilly a 3rd birthday party we will never forget - not quite sure why i did it on the scale that i did, but i did and i loved every minute of it. the fact we had over 40 kids there made it even better. Thankyou to my kids for helping to organise it <3
March also saw me book my first holiday with Tilly, it was a week in butlins and i booked it for the september, knowing the weather should still be nice and then 2 of my aunts asked if they could come along so i thought, the more the merrier, then kimmy asked if she could come and then a cousin ....... so its became an even better holiday :) Going to butlins gave me the confidence to book a holiday to disneyland, so we now have that to look forward to in march 2014.
I also lost a very good friend in march, he was my friend for 20 years and we were there for each other over the years, he was a lovable rogue and always up to no good. he always used to say that he wished he was kims dad and every year he would ask me to marry him, i always said 'next year' but sadly there will never be a next year now. I miss him like hell and sometimes i still think 'i will just message kez' but i am not going to dwell on whats lost or talk about what we used to get up to because these are my special memories as they are locked away in my heart with him.
In june we completed a 5km walk for Breast Cancer (walk the walk) and the sense of acheivement we got was amazing, we had put something before our own needs and we felt so good doing it. Even the fact that my baby walked the whole 5km was amazing (she had a tiny carry at the end). we raised a couple of hundred quid for the charity
I finished my college course in June and saw kimmy take her final uni exams, my boss left superdrug and tilly finished her fab little nursery in dover .... it was all too much change in a small amount of time and everything i had come to rely on had changed or been taken away, and i had a small breakdown and took 2 months unpaid from work. The doctors tried to medicate me and me being my stubborn self decided not to take them and i worked it out myself. How can you learn about whats wrong if you are medicated up to the eyeballs. Anyway i went back to work after the summer with my family and we felt the closeness coming back into our lives. we were losing it as i was so stressed all the time. I did alot of thinking over the summer and i decided to get rid of all the negativity in my life, i had a big facebook cull and removed some backstabbing 'friends', i dont need people like this in my life and i know i made the right decision, unfortunately they saw it as a great dishonour and they dont speak to me anymore - but then it goes to show that they really didnt value a friendship in the first place.
This year my son, Zachy finally decided what he wanted to do with his life, he was struggling with school and what to do when he left school but he was offered a full time job at the golf course and he took it and is now looking forward to adventures in the new year.
As usual we spent the weekends at theme parks in the summer and Tilly was old enough for her own merlin pass, we have become loyal customers of premier inn and my daughter thinks that the premier in is now a holiday destination lol.
Taking the summer off from life and people surrounding it did me the world of good and i feel it was that exact moment that i evaluated life and i knew i could get myself back on track, so i set myself a mission to get a better job with more hours, i knew i had to get off the ESA benefits and support my family myself. For the first time in a long time i felt like i was taking control of my life and i did it!! By November i was offered a job on a fragrance counter in Folkestone, its an hour and half commute each way but it was such a brilliant move to make, i love being in the big town working and being surrounded by so many shops is heaven. i am working with my old boss again who has seen me suffer with the pnd and supported me through it all. i am working for the same company so there is no change there and the hours are more and finacially i am £200 better off. Tilly is in school 4 days a week and for full days, its expensive but its time to let her go and make her own friends and prepare her for school.
Kimmy graduated from Uni at the end of november, i was so proud of her and it was a bittersweet moment as there were other people from my past that i knew would of given anything to be there and see this - my amazing daughter who has overcome so much negativity in her life to become a Batchelor of Science with honours. I cried when they called her name out and she collected her scroll.
This xmas was the best one we have had in years, i didnt let it worry me about money, i had been buying bits for Tilly since the summer and it made christmas affordable :) i loved the fact that she really knew what xmas was all about this year and we loved getting santa involved in xmas again. It could also be one of the last xmases we have together as a family as my older kids are getting to the age now where they have girlfriends and boyfriends and this time next year they may want to spend xmas elsewhere. i made some fab memories this xmas.
This year we had a good year many things accomplished and i feel so connected to my little girl, yes she is spoilt but who wouldnt want to spoil her? lol
I have let a few people go this year as they were too draining and i have let people into my life, people with their own stories, people that are inspirational and no matter how bad things are for them, they put others first. hopefully this is the start of some great friendships. I am so looking forward to 2014 :)
happy new year everyone